Thursday, June 19, 2008

Cheese + cake + factory

Equals the nationally preferred restaurant among Black females in my humble opinion. Why? I honestly don't know. I never knew they liked cheesecake that much. Matter of fact, I don't think they do. I mean, I never see them indulging in cheesecake in numbers to indicate that it is the cheesecake that attracts them to this establishment in droves. Personally, I think it is a combination of the large portions and numerous menu offerings that brings them out in Obama rally numbers.

With regards to the numerous menu offerings, logically this should not be a reason for Black females to love Cheesecake Factory. Seriously speaking, is it just me or don't they pretty much get the same thing everytime they are there? I mean, they all claim to have 3 favorites but that is just part of the scam they give you so they can act like they have reason to browse through the menu. And this is where I have to give the good folks at Cheesecake Factory mad props. These guys are fully aware of this phenomenon and as a result they fill their menu with ads to capitalize.

Everytime I am there I just sit across the table and watch her flip back and forth from page to page while telling me to turn to this page and that page while she pretends to rack her brain deciding between her three favorite entrees. All this time I am hungry like a dog and this is holding me up from ordering and making the waitress smile and say, "Don't worry, take your time, I will be back to take your order when you're ready." Somewhere around this point is where I say, "You should just go ahead and get __(the one she always get)__. You know you want it." And her response is always, "Yeah, but I had it last time I was here. I want to try something different this time." And in the interest of time, I say, "Well, I will get __(one of her other two faves)__ and you can have some of mine." This my friend, is what she was waiting for all along. You knew it and you know she knows you knew it. But I guess in some sense you were trying to wean her from eating off your plate for the hundredth time. Sadly, you give in, as you always do, because the hunger is becoming too much to bear.

Now the food arrives and of course she eats off your plate and nibbles on hers like you knew she would. Ten mnutes later your plate looks as clean as it did when it came out of the dishwasher because of your hunger and the two of you racing to eat as much food from YOUR plate as possible. You don't even mind sharing your meal with her that much but what grates your last nerve is when you look over at her plate it is at least half-filled. And right on cue she spots you eyeing her half-filled plate and says, "I am stuffed...I think I should get the rest to go." This is when you want to comment but better judgement prevails and you SMILE and say, "Yeah, they sure gave us a lot of food."

So now she tells the waitress that she would like to take the leftovers home as if this wasn't part of her master plan. Yeah, the plan that includes leaving half on her plate so she can get the leftovers to go for the purpose of WALKING AROUND THE MALL with the Cheesecake Factory bag in her hand and taking the leftovers to work the following day TO FRONT ON HER CO-WORKERS. Hey, it could be worse, she may try to get YOU to carry the Cheesecake Factory bag filled with leftovers through the mall.

But HA! This is why you exercised better judgement my friend. Middle of the night when you get hungry again because you were never full in the first place on account of HER RAIDING YOUR PLATE you wake up, go the fridge and spot that ubiquitous Cheesecake Factory bag. After roughly three microwave minutes it is you, SportsCenter, and the Cheesecake Factory leftovers. Ten minutes later you proceed back to bed with a SMILE on your face thinking about the scream that will erupt in the morning when she realizes you foiled her plan to take the leftovers to work. But alas, we both know that even if it means she may run a little late she will make a quick lunch and pack it in that cursed Cheesecake Factory bag!

PS: If this blog entry made you get a taste for some Cheesecake Factory then here is my gift to you in honor of their 30th year anniversary: a complimentary slice of cheesecake with the purchase of two entrees between 6/23/2008 - 6/26/2008.


G Hop said...

A couple of things here:

1. So, who's purchasing the two entrees, me or you?

2. I was wondering when the "food" issue was going to be blogged again. I think it is the #1 topic among all of your blogs.

3. It just seems like you have this Cheese Cake Factory run nicely tucked tight under your belt. I am curious to know what the reaction would be the next day when everyone else but you realize the bag and the food is gone.

Troy said...

1. If you ask the answer is always you. But most likely females would just sit there looking the other way when the bill arrives. I kid you!

2. Hey, we eat every day don't we?

3. Wasn't me!